


Trust me, it's alot harder than it looks

by Angelssavior



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Angst and Feels, Bars and Pubs, Bartenders, Blood, California, Comfort/Angst, Crushes, Crying, Dad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Don't Judge Me, Dorks in Love, F/F, F/M, Fallen Heroes, Falling In Love, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Friendship/Love, Girls with Guns, Heart-to-Heart, Heartache, Heartbeats, Heartbreak, Heartbreaking, Heavy Angst, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Love You, I Tried, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Kinda, LAFD, LAPD, Los Angeles, Love, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, Men Crying, Mental Health Awareness Writing Challenge, Mental Health Issues, Miracles, Normal Life, One True Pairing, Past Child Abuse, Please Don't Hate Me, Self-Harm, Sorta writing challenge, Soul-Crushing, Tears, Trust, Walk Into A Bar, Warnings May Change, Wisdom from a child
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2020-11-25 22:24:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20919605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelssavior/pseuds/Angelssavior
Summary: Evan Buckly thought he had it all, his job as a firefighter, the girl, and everything in between. Soon everything falls apart and he's found himself stumbling in the dark until he finds Eryanna James, a bartender at a bar for fallen heroes. Will she be the light that sparks his darkness?(Totally sounds better than the summary I promise)





	1. Evan Buckley's POV

Laying under the covers, I did not wanna get up. I quit my job, after my accident and my girlfriend didn't think she was cut out for the job of a firefighter's girlfriend. All I literally wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die. It felt as if my whole life crumbled beneath me like an earthquake, and I got caught up in the after math. This is not what I planned at all and I know it sounds cliché but I thought I had it all. The girl, the job, the house that I couldn't pay for now. I was tired of it all, feeling as if I'm losing everything and everyone. 

"Buck?" Called out the childish voice. The clinking of metal coming up the stairs. 

Peaking out from under the covers 8 saw it was Christopher and groaned softly. I stretched and my bones ached and screamed at me as they popped. He came into bed as Eddie followed behind and laughed as Chris sat in the middle of the bed smiling. Smiling back, Eddie held up two box of donuts and coffee, with milk for Christopher. Sitting up, Eddie sat on my bed next to me and I sighed softly. 

"You didn't have to do this you know," I started to explained and Eddie stopped me. 

"Honestly, I wanted to and he wanted to see you anyways so it's a win-win situation." I couldn't help but smile. 

We had donuts and Christopher had milk while Eddie and I drank coffee. We went to an arcade place and watches Christopher have fun. I sighed softly and thought about what life would've been like had I not been in my accident. I wish I didn't have my stupid leg hurt or been in the hospital and stuff. I wanted to be live my life saving other people's lives. I wanted to have somebody by my side that supported me no matter what happened. 

Eddie nudged me in the ribs and I looked at him unsure of what to say to him. He smiled at me as I sighed softly. "I know it's not easy right now but trust me okay? It will get easier, the pain and shit might still be there but you know what? You were destined for great things," explained Eddie and I shook my head, hating myself. 

"Yea but you have everything you want. A house, a kid, a family. Yea you don't have your wife and he doesn't have his mother but you are so good lookin that practically anyone will drool over you. You even have your job and what do I have to show for? I get crushed user a damn fire truck, said goodbye to my girlfriend and moved on, and here I am after breaking up with the other girlfriend I had. Eddie I wish I had what you had. Normalcy." 

"And you'll get that! Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But you know what? You will have it someday, all you have to do is have patience. Believe me I know it seems hard right now but you got this. Trust me, okay?" I nodded and swallowed thickly. 

Christopher came over, change jingling in a cup, his tickets in a bag in the other hand. He smiled up at us, laughing and then he saw my face and his smile disappeared. His face contorted into confusion and looked at Eddie. He knelt down in front of Christopher and sighed softly. 

"I know, Buck looks sad. It's because he's having a hard time right now. And sometimes people have hard times an they can be very angry or they can feel different things. Buck's just..." He looked at me with uncertainty in his eyes. 

"I'm just not feeling like myself these days kiddo. Sometimes people feel that way and sometimes they need help and it's okay. We will explain more when you get older okay?" He walked towards me and hugged me tightly. 

"It's okay Buck. We still love you, even if you have sad days. We will always love you," I couldn't help but smile and laugh even though my eyes stung from unshed tears. 

We began our adventure around the arcade, earning as much tickets as we could. By the time Christopher was returned home, he had fallen asleep and was tucked into bed as I awaited in the living room. Eddie came towards me and sighed softly and say on the couch and I sat besides him. We watched the tv as whatever was playing flashed before us. I wasn't really interested in whatever was playing. 

"Thank you, for you know... All of this and I don't mean for today but for everything you've done for me. I know I've been a pain in the ass for five months while I got on my feet," I smiled as Eddie laughed softy. 

"Buck, you're like family. Of course info anything for you. Despite all the shot we've been through, we made it through together, I know you have my back and so I decided to have your back. Even after everything you've been through over the last five months, you deserved a break." I nodded agreeing with him. 


	2. Eddie Diaz's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Suicide attempt, blood, mentions of child abuse.

She sat on the pool edge, blood flowing down her arms. She had blue-hazel eyes and mid back curly deep red hair, her body worn from the psychological fight, the emotional turmoil and god knows what else. From what her mother told us, she has been fighting her whole life but it wasn't good enough. She had been bullied online and in school, got fired from her job due to over staffing, and dealt with the death of her best and closest friend who had killed himself three days after prom. 

When I walked up to her, she stood up, her back against the pool. Her arms were filled with scars and fresh and old cuts. My eyes widened in surprise as she gave me a small smile. The pool was deep, and big and she was short, up to my chest. Putting my bag down, I slowly walked up to her, afraid to set her off. Everyone else was waiting to help her. 

"You know she abused me when I was younger? She said she didn't care about me, that she did it because she hated me. I'm the unwanted child to her, so why don't you spare me the lecture of life gets better and shit. I'm tired of living anyways, so why the fuck does she care now? She does drugs, and drinks and still beats me." The way she spoke, made me sick to my stomach at the way she was treated. It broke my heart into a million pieces at the heart break she dealt with, and at the demons that consume her. 

"I'm sorry, I know it sucks. I've been there, I was angry with myself and I was part of the army and after I was released I wanted to die to until I found what I love which was saving people. Please, let me help you," I begged softly. She backed away and splashed into the pool. I jumped in after her, as she sank to the bottom, and pulled her up. Bobby was standing on the edge and helped me pull her up, and she coughed up the water. 

I sighed softly as Hen and Chimney wrapped her wrists up, and I ran a hand through my hair. After they dropped her off at the hospital, we went back to the station, and Buck walked up to me in the locker room as I got changed. I had called the hospital, and they said she was sedated but alright. I felt bad that she ha suffered through so much. Bobby watched me and I looked at him. 

"Athena arrested her mom. They're waiting for her dad to show up so they can arrest him to, because he caused more damage to her then the mom. The hospital's gonna do a rape kit and stuff and crack down on them on that. She had two broken ribs, a fractured knee cap, and a whole bunch of other stuff from the abuse." I shook in anger, as he touched my shoulder. 

"Apperantly, she runs a bar not far fr here. It's a bar for fallen heroes. She's the co-owner with her sister, and Buck is joining us, to get out of the house. Would you like to come with us?" I smiled and nodded. 

"At least have me home at a decent hour so I can say goodnight to Christopher," Bobby smiled and nodded happy I was getting out with friends. I was gonna need it especially after today. 

******************************

The months leading up to me meeting Ashlynn Wolf, Eryanna's sister, had been hard. Between losing Shannon, the tsunami and the fear I felt when I couldn't find Christopher. I went with Lena, another fire fighter, to fight club and it went downhill from there. Then there she was. Standing before me, with this shy pretty smile, and eyes like the Caribbean Sea, clear blue and threw me in a loop. Her black hair in a messy bun and her face clear of makeup. She had been crying that day, after Bobby had called her to tell her the terrifying news. 

"I came to thank you guys personally. I'm sorry she did what she did, I should've been with her instead of work," I took her hand in mine and she watched me. 

"Don't worry about it señorita, things just happen that are out of our hands. She seems like a wonderful person, like you so it was no trouble at all." A blush swept across her cheeks as she gave us our drinks. 

Soon I found myself going back there every night, being drawn back to her. She amazed me every time I went back to her. She always had facts to share and was always nice to the patrons that came to the bar. How she managed the bar and stuff, I had no idea, but it was amazing to see her help her sister and keeping her on the same routine and the same schedule.


	3. Henrietta Wilson's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may have a lot of angst in it, but what the hell, right? The speech is actually true, people out there do have mental illness like depression and PTSD. There's a mental health stigma and it sucks because some people don't get the proper treatment until its to late. So if someone tells you they don't feel happy or whatever they may feel, help them and don't put them down or make them feel like absolute shit about themselves

She sat on the couch in the kitchen area, looking a hell of a lot better than before. She was bouncing her leg up and down unsure of what to say as we walked in. She saw us and Athena gripped her hand. She seemed so tired, and sad and hurt but relieved in a way. We were coming up the stairs laughing about something and Chimney made a comment about mental illness and the room thickened with silence. It soon broke when she broke down, hurt by his comment, and Bobby looked at her with concern and I glanced at Chimney. He became confused and it hit him what he said and swore under his breath. 

"I'm so sorry Eryanna, I didn't mean..." She stopped him and shook her head. 

"You know what's sad? People don't give us enough credit for battling our demons. They rally for people with cancer, or physical disabilities but when it comes to mental illness, they tell us to get over it or that we're just faking it. That we don't look depressed or that its all in our heads. And the worst part is? Nobody gives a shit when someone gets really hurt and dies because they couldn't be bothered to get the actual help they need. My dad was an alcoholic, drug using abusive man behind closed doors and mom was being pushed around by a bunch of guys, who didn't even care about her and took it out on me. So please tell me, how the fuck am I suppose to be fixed when nobody bothers to even help? That's the part that hurts the most, is being told that I'm making it up or that I'm just imagining things, that everything is gonna be okay and turn out alright. Because I know it's not," that was what made us silent. 

She had spoken the truth, people really didn't give people with mental illness enough credit. From what I've heard from other paramedics about suicide, it wasn't the easiest to deal with. For the families, it was a million questions like what should've I done better, or why did they die. They were so loved and happy we didn't know, or they didn't seem to be sad or emotional. She hid her emotions well, by playing the part and looking well. She didn't look well though, from the bags under her eyes and how skinny she looked. 

"I've had people tell me that I'm making it up, and wonder why I'm stuck in bed and don't wanna eat or go and hang out and do stuff. That's how I lost so many friends. Because they don't want someone like me, they become friends with me and over time, they slowly realize that I have depression and they just slowly stop hanging out with me. Then they make excuses on why they can't be friends with me. Why do you think my parents hated me so much?" 

"I met your sister... She said she wished she had known sooner because she would've helped you, but she said you two weren't all that close. She was actually really honest with us and it kills me to see you like this," said Eddie as Athena hugged her. 

She seemed like a really wonderful and smart person. Maybe a smart ass with some sass but in a good way. She gave us a small smile and slowly stood up as she hugged Eddie. The two of them seemed to become very close friends. Lena didn't seem to happy about the friendship but got over herself when she saw how happy he was with her. I smiled as Chimney walked up to her, apologizing profusely and I smiled softly. I knew he meant well but he sometimes had to open his big mouth and some of the stuff he said got himself into hot water. 


End file.
